GLOSSARY OF REAL ESTATE TERMS IN RANDOM ORDER
HOUSE: Approximately three million individual components flying in tight formation. Parts include, but not limited to lumber, nails, wire, sockets, pipes, fixtures, shingles, and toilets.
HOME: A house that has hosted owners, friends, relatives, parties, love, sleepless nights, children giggling, passion, pain, generosity, compassion, and more love.
BASEMENT STORAGE ROOM: A room or space where treasures and trash co-exist.
HOME GYM: Storage area where unused treadmills, neglected exercise bikes, and brand-new barbells are kept until sold in a yard sale for 20% of what you paid for the stuff.
FLASHLIGHT: Cylindrical object where dead batteries are stored until discarded.
GARAGE: (See BASEMENT STORAGE ROOM)
KITCHEN: Room full of major appliances where food is prepared. Also is the only room in the house occupied by guests when you invite 75 people to your house for a "House Warming Party".
CLOCK: Time keeping device displayed on microwave ovens and cable TV boxes.
MICROWAVE OVEN: Primary food cooking device in the home. Also the primary time keeping device consulted by home owners (See CLOCK).
REFRIGERATOR: Cold storage locker used to store food, sticky stuff, spooge, and mysterious plastic containers containing foul-smelling blobs encrusted in green fuzzy stuff.
HOME OFFICE: Space occupied by computers, printers, books, large stacks of neglected papers, boxes full of neglected papers, desk drawers stuffed with neglected papers, small children playing computer games.
COMPUTER: Device that takes 90% of Dad's attention while at home. First place to check when in need of Dad.
FAMILY ROOM: Second-most occupied room after KITCHEN. Frequently occupied by television, grape juice stained furniture, kid's toys that belong elsewhere, shoes, photos, and clothes.
LIVING ROOM: Space with furnishings that are never used.
DINING ROOM: Space used once each year on Thanksgiving Day for consuming vast quantities of food.